How to Visit a Friend with Dementia

08 Sep How to Visit a Friend with Dementia

Because presence matters more than memory.
Visiting a friend with dementia can feel uncertain. You want to connect but you’re not sure what to say, or whether they’ll remember you. You might even worry about making things worse.

But here’s what matters most: You showing up is already an act of dementia care.

Even if your friend doesn’t recall your visit tomorrow, they’ll still feel your kindness today. Your voice, your smile, your calm presence bring comfort, dignity, and love.

True dementia care isn’t only about medical support. It’s also about human connection no matter small, gentle moments that say: “You are not alone.”

Here’s how to make your visit meaningful, respectful, and full of care:

✅ DO: Arrive with Calm and Kindness

Your energy sets the tone. Enter with a warm smile, speak slowly and gently, and stay relaxed.

If they don’t recognise you, don’t take it personally. Your presence still brings peace even if they can’t express it.

Say: “Hi Aunty Mei, it’s Muntoh — I’ve come to spend time with you.” 

This simple act is part of everyday dementia care.

❌ DON’T: Ask “Do You Remember Me?”

This question, though well-meaning, can cause anxiety or shame if they can’t recall. Instead, introduce yourself warmly and confidently.

Try: “It’s me, Muntoh — I used to visit every Sunday. I’ve missed our time together.” 

You’re not correcting their memory, you’re reconnecting with kindness.

✅ DO: Go with the Flow

Don’t try to pull them into today’s reality. If they think it’s 1985 or talk about loved ones who’ve passed, don’t correct them.

Instead, step into their world with empathy. Say: “Tell me more about that,” or “That sounds like a happy memory.”

Validation is a powerful form of dementia care, often more comforting than facts.

❌ DON’T: Overstimulate with Noise or Crowds

Dementia can make it hard to process sound, movement, or multiple voices. A busy room or large group can cause confusion or distress.

Keep visits: Quiet, Short (20–30 minutes), With one or two familiar people.

A calm environment supports better connection and reduces anxiety.

✅ DO: Bring Simple, Sensory Joy

While memory fades, senses often last longer. Use music, smell, touch, and taste to spark comfort and recognition.

Bring:

– A favourite song from their youth

– A familiar snack (e.g., ginger tea or homemade biscuits)

– Old photos with names written underneath

These small gestures are meaningful acts of dementia care.

❌ DON’T: Rush or Fill the Silence

Give them time to respond. Don’t jump in to finish sentences or fill every pause.

Silence is okay. Repetition is normal. What matters isn’t perfect conversation, it’s shared presence.

Just sitting together, holding hands, or listening to music can be deeply healing.

✅ DO: Speak to Them — Not About Them

Always talk directly to your friend, even if they don’t respond. Avoid speaking over them to a carer as if they’re not there.

Use their name. Make eye contact. Smile. These small actions affirm their worth.

Even if they don’t reply, they can still feel respect or dismissal.

❌ DON’T: Focus on What’s Lost

Avoid phrases like: “You used to love this!” / “You were so clever back then.”

These can highlight loss and cause sadness.

Instead, stay in the present. Celebrate small moments: a smile, a hum, a squeeze of the hand.

✅ DO: Let Go of Expectations

Some days will be easier than others. They might be withdrawn, confused, or tired. That’s okay.

Even if the visit doesn’t go as planned, your effort matters. Love doesn’t require memory to be felt.

Dementia Care Is Love in Action

Dementia may take memories but it doesn’t erase the need for connection, touch, or kindness. When you visit a friend with dementia, you’re not just giving time. You’re offering dignity, belonging, and love — the heart of true dementia care.

So show up. Even if they don’t remember your name.

Stay gentle. Even when words fail.

Hold their hand. Even in silence.

Because long after memories fade…love remains.

Learn more about services here: https://komunecare.com/#services

Read more dementia stories here.

---